D-Day 2010

Well, it was a whole week ago, but this year's anniversary of D-Day, when Allied forces invaded franceland because franceland decided it was a good idea to avoid war by not fighting Adolf Hitler, was a fun one. The highlight was having the opportunity to watch a reenactment of Allied forces attacking and capturing a German gun emplacement at the local military base/museum. It took a bit on account of slow internets, but here are photos!

"German" forces march in front of the audience before the battle.

All their equipment was authentic from World War II.

It's a BMW! This reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

This really makes me want to get to work restoring my Jeep, which is 1943, like this one.

The German 75mm anti-tank gun fires at Allied troops.

Allied troops fire back, and destroy the gun.

The main gun down, Allied forces advance on the "German" forces taking cover behind these fortifications.

Allied soldiers flank the German position, and bring out shotguns for close-quarters combat.

Pistols are also good for close-quarters.

Take no prisoners! I mean, totally take prisoners. They might... know stuff. (They did the re-enactment twice that day, and after the second one the Allies shot all their prisoners just for fun.)

This guy is cleaning and maintaining the German MG34 machine gun, the predecessor to my favorite machine gun, the MG42. These are very finely machined, making them not the most reliable in the field. The MG42 was almost the same gun, but much less precisely machined, making them less likely to jam in the heat of battle.

They were firing blanks, of course.

Yeah, I totally got to heft the MG34! Sadly, I didn't get to fire it.

The soldier/actors after the battle, posing for a photo.

They gave rides in the BMW. I didn't go on one, but couldn't resist this photo. They really made this guy's day!

It's the fat cigar that really makes this photo.

During the second reenactment, there was a flyover by authentic WWII era A-10 "Warthogs".*

There were quite a few old vehicles at the museum, but of course the 1943 Jeep is my favorite.

*Haha, had you going. "Warthogs" aren't from WWII; they're quite modern, and the flyover was unrelated to the reenactment.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Fact: Bears eat beets.

So, thanks to Netflix, I can finally do something I've wanted to do for a very long time: Find out what's the deal with Battlestar Galactica. I remember it being on TV a few times when I was very little, but I never watched. Of course it's mentioned on The Office all the time, but also I have several friends who are very in to the re-imagined version of the show. I've read some very interesting bits online comparing the shows, and am curious to see how they really compare, and I'll blog my opinion when I've watched both series. As always, my opinion is correct and definitive, and so all others must comply.

Speaking of comparisons, whenever I see Lieutenant Starbuck (I'm currently halfway through the original 1978 version; I hear he gets a sex change sometime between then and now), I can't help but think of Lone Starr from Spaceballs.

"I'm Starbuck. I'm so cool."

"So, Lone Starr, now you see that Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb."

Of course, then I think of Starbucks.



I'll leave you with this. I can't get enough of the theme music. It's classic! Such a great fanfare and anthem, so inspirational. I've liked this music ever since one of the first CDs my family ever bought over fifteen years ago was a collection of sci-fi themes (yes, nerdy, I know, but good music anyway). It's odd that it's taken me so long to start watching a show I've loved the music for so long.

Dentists, Mechanics, and Lawyers, Oh, My!

Before I let another month go by too lazy to post anything, I should at least give a quick update. I intend for this blog to be a place for me to voice my opinion on topics I enjoy discussing, such as movies, music, books, politics, etc., and a place to share photos and accounts of places I've been and would like to be. This is not one of those blogs where I share my deep feelings and personal issues with the world in a desperate show for attention. However, giving the big picture of what's going on now and then is worthwhile, since the three or four people who follow this blog are friends and family (then again, that means you guys already know all you need to know and more, at least in theory...), and a lot has happened, so here goes.

First, to get the biggest and worst of the news out of the way. Most of my friends are aware of this but it seems a few aren't. I regret to say that after exactly five years and one week having been married to Kathryn Matthews, I am now divorced. Yep. To quote the narrator of Fight Club, "I suppose these things happen." Those who need to know details already know them, and they don't go here. Suffice it to say she's back in Missouri living with her family, and this is a good thing that had been coming for a few years now, and we're both moving on.

Next, as an unforeseen consequence of the aforementioned divorce, the all-knowing, all-wise and benevolent administrators of Brigham Young University - Idaho (most of you know how I feel about that place, and there's more to come...) felt that they were better qualified as my ecclesiastical and spiritual leaders than my own bishop, and decided that with one semester left before receiving my B.S. in geology, I'd best continue somewhere else. Even though this was a poorly made and inappropriate decision on their part (I even had Dr. Dan Moore, my department chair, fighting for me to stay at BYU-Idaho; there really are a lot of good people there, and most of them are in the geology department), this has also proven to be a good thing overall, and not just because now I get to grow out my beard again.

I am now attending Idaho State University in Pocatello, have made several good new friends, and am in an environment that feels much more comfortable to me. It's proven to be a difficult transition back to the single life, I couldn't have asked for better help making the change. I found an amazing apartment in Pocatello, a mile from campus and very affordable, and four of the funnest roommates I've ever had. Additionally, since I need a certain number of resident credits before I can claim my degree from ISU, that means my education is delayed a couple semesters at least. That sounds horrible at first, but it's really great.

Two of my biggest complaints about BYU-Idaho involve their approach to putting students "first" by rushing them through the system so fast it's amazing you can learn anything there. Semesters are crammed into about twelve weeks, making a full 14-credit (as opposed to the traditional 12) load feel closer to 20 credits, resulting in fast burnout of students and a faculty nearing the point of rebellion (they don't even get a semester off!). The other is that they limit the total number of credits you can take to 140, meaning there's no opportunity to broaden your horizons by taking interesting classes unrelated to your major to help become a more balanced person. I suppose they consider education to be a nonrenewable resource, not to be squandered?

Now that I have no choice, I have a perfect opportunity to take classes I could never have fit into my schedule at BYU-Idaho, and have decided to minor in music. There are really only two things that make me feel truly content in life: the view from the top of a mountain after a long hike or from the highway during a long drive, and when I am performing music. This makes a geology major and music minor the perfect mix for me. I've already begun working on a project I've wanted to do for a very long time, which is to make brass arrangements of songs by Björk and other artists I admire. I'll post recordings when I manage to make good ones!

Now that I am single again, I've also finally been able to pay more attention to things that had largely been ignored due to financial situations and the difficulties in resolving those between a married couple. My Jeep is finally getting the attention it needs to stay functional and hopefully not fail catastrophically like it did last year. Also, while we'd been waiting years and years hoping to be able to afford visits to the dentist for major work, now my parents have been generous enough to pay for my teeth to get a major workover. To quote Scott Lewis (dentist I recommend in Rexburg), I had "a mess in there". Not anymore... over this past three months I had a standing 1pm appointment every Monday, and the major stuff has been taken care of. This includes finally having my nightmare wisdom teeth removed last Thursday (oh, right, there were a few non-Monday visits, too). To put it mildly, I feel like a krillion bucks (and my parents have that much less money!).

Finally, the last bit. Last Friday I moved to Boise for the summer. I got an internship working for the Forest Service making maps of environmental road hazards, and I start tomorrow. For the first week I get to camp and receive field training, then it'll be office work with ArcGIS. I also just found out that my good friend Scott Bergendorf, who was at field camp with me last summer, will be one of the field crews reporting to me, which will be cool. I spent most of yesterday just driving around Boise, and maybe it was the weather affecting me (it was raining and sleeting and snowing, and mid 30s, awesome weather!), but so far I love Boise. I need to buy a new camera, so I can take pictures. The drive from Rexburg to Boise couldn't have been timed better, as I got a perfect mix of storms and low-angle light to show off the mountains spectacularly, and I got to see Craters of the Moon for the first time. It was enough to remind me why I am a geologist.

Okay, enough of this! That's the update. I've got movies to review, concerts to talk about (I got to see Muse last month!), politics to discuss. I'll get to it!

Project Mayhem: Rexburg Chapter

I have some new heroes, in Rexburg of all places. Sadly, my heroes, shortly after performing their epic heroic deed, were defeated by the minions of one* of Rexburg's most evil organizations of villains: The City Government (specifically the Police Department, the government's enforcers and tax collectors). I wish I had been there to help, because these true heroes pulled off what I have been wanting to do for years, which is to make all the parking signs in the entire town disappear over night.

They didn't quite pull off something so dramatic, but they did accomplish something that makes the same point: four Rexburg Citizens took down 60 parking signs around BYU-Idaho campus, tossed them over fences or under cars, and left a bag full of the nuts and bolts used to hang the signs on the front steps of City Hall. They also posted a three-page manifesto, ransom note style, on the door of City Hall. Aside from demands that Rexburg's ridiculous parking regulations be relaxed, it makes several other quite reasonable demands, such as lowering the town's legal smoking age to 6, and having a town baby sale.

Here's the mistake our heroes made: They pulled off this stunt while still living in Rexburg. This is something you do after graduating school and moving away, to minimize the chances of adverse consequences at the hands of the City Villains, the armed meter-maids. The heroic deed was discovered early Tuesday morning, April 20th 2010. I propose that 4/20, aside from the typical activities engaged in on that day, be also known as Annual Rexburg Anti-No Parking Civil Unrest and Peaceful Protest Day, or ARANPCUPPD. Double park, park nose-in in the back-in spots, park where you don't have a permit, etc., etc. Of course, the villains have more power than we do, so only do this if you are prepared to pay tickets, etc., because until enough people participate, we won't have power to truly protest these laws, and there are too many people in Rexburg who fear their government, or at least do whatever they're told.

Also, next idea for a good deed: Leave the back-in parking signs up on 2nd street in front of campus, but re-paint the parking lines back the way they used to be, so that to back-in park you have to cross a lane of traffic. Mwahahahahaha!

*The other evil villainous organization is the BYU-Idaho administration...

Wrong Number

It's fun to mess with people. Here's a short text conversation I just had with a wrong number:

Wrong Number: "hey dad i am hungry and isaac said that you were going to bring pizza"

Me: "Well son, I have been looking for you for a long time, and now I've found you, it figures you just want free pizza."

Wrong Number: "Hey who is this think i got the wrong number"

Me: "Haha, yeah, you did."

The end.

Amazing True Facts

Normally I like to keep the content of this blog completely original, but this is too good. Here is a list of incredible facts that you can impress your friends with. I got this list from blogger Dan Bergstein at Sparknotes. Enjoy:

• When placed in warm milk, raisins re-plump into grapes.
• The metal backs of iPods are made from recycled zippers.
• Eskimos don't believe in bridges or tunnels.
• Every sixteen minutes, someone named Richard dies.
• Billy Bob Thornton's grandfather was the first person to own a television.
• Dolphins kill more people annually than sharks and influenza combined.
• On a dare, former President Rutherford B. Hayes declared war on Chile for 17 minutes.
• The original title for Catcher in the Rye was Hey, Look, a Carousel!
• Professionals call the top socket on an electrical outlet the "Martha," and the bottom socket the "Jasmine."
• In the archives at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C., there are two identical snowflakes preserved in a freezer.
• Three out of every ten nickels has been in someone's mouth.
• If you hold one nostril closed for 72 hours, you will slowly lose the ability to see color. (Your sight will instantly return to normal when you release your nostril.)
• Wave a magnet at the lower left corner of a vending machine to receive a free soda.
• The glossy paper from the backs of stickers can be used to soothe sunburn.
• To be a train conductor, you have to cut off one of your own toes during a loyalty ritual.
• The Z in Jay-Z's name stands for "Zeppidemus."
• Jean shorts were invented three weeks prior to the invention of regular jeans.
• Whispering instead of talking on cell phones saves significant battery power.
• In Austria, the traditional Christmas colors are not red and green, but purple and clear.
• Benjamin Franklin coined the phrase "Baby Mama" in a satirical poem published in Poor Richard's Almanac.
• If you take the first letter of each word in the Monopoly board game instruction manual, they spell out an X-rated sentence.
• The original name for the laptop computer was "Hinged Smart Slab."
• The average person inhales 3 pounds of spider webs in his or her lifetime.
• When first introduced to the public, plastic laundry baskets cost $75 each.
• Winnie the Pooh started out as a non-fiction account of mental illness.
• Reading backwards for twenty minutes burns the same amount of calories as walking a half-mile.
• The Q in Q-tips stands for "quantum," as the small bit of cotton on the tip contains more atoms than the entire human body.
• Revolving doors were first invented as a way to keep horses out of department stores.
• Peru and the moon weigh the same amount.
• Human beings and anteaters are the only animals that can snap their fingers.
• If you soak a baseball hat in coke, and then let it dry on someone's head, over a 3-hour period the hat will shrink with skull-denting force, causing intense pain and irreparable damage.
• Clouds cannot travel south southwest.
• In sign language, there are 72 ways to say "drawbridge."

The Most Worthless Film Technology Ever

You were expecting me to post something about health care next, right? Close. This week has been a fury of debate over Facebook, and as I distill the comments and points to write something coherent and relevant, I'll share something completely different.

It seems like every movie coming out these days is filmed in 3D. This irritates me, because almost invariably the movie becomes about how 3D it is, instead of how good (or not) the plot and characters are. And is it really more immersive and realistic? No. The audience is constantly reminded of how immersive and realistic it is, 'cause look, it's in 3D, remember? This is self-defeating. But someone else recently put it in much better words than I could (Orson Scott Card, of course), as an aside to a review of the new Alice in Wonderland movie. He makes some very good points, writes entertainingly as always, and gives 3D technology a fair shake while concluding that it is worthless and distracting. Once again, he has plagiarized my brain, and I hear my words all polished up, coming from his mouth (keyboard). Enjoy:

What about the 3D in Alice in Wonderland?

Some of the problems have been solved. When I put on the glasses I did not get a headache within the first three minutes. I never got a headache at all, though it was certainly a relief to take the glasses off.

Also, the filmmakers used restraint -- there were almost no leap-from-the-screen gotcha moments, which always break the audience's trance and destroy believability. The 3D is mostly taken for granted, which is the only effective way to use it.

Because each lens of the special glasses filters out a portion of the spectrum, the total amount of light reaching the eyes is significantly reduced -- the film is darker and details are harder to see. Still, by filming with more saturated light, the result is still watchable.

And my evaluation says: This is the most worthless film technology ever developed, with the possible exception of smell-a-vision.

The idea of 3D is to replace the flatness of the screen with something more akin to how we really see the world.

The gimmick of 3D is based on binocularity. Flat films have only one lens; 3D uses two, the way the human brain does, as it checks out the world through two eyes.

But the purpose of two eyes, evolutionarily speaking, is not binocularity, it's redundancy. You can lose an eye and still see. By having two eyes, you double your chance of survival in a world where lack of vision can kill you.

The binocularity effect is, while mildly useful, fundamentally trivial. It's a biproduct of the fact that two eyes cannot occupy the same spot. It might help you negotiate tricky grabs while swinging about in trees; but it is not the dominant feature of our vision.

We don't see the world in 3D. We conceive the world in three dimensions, but images of the real world come flat to our retinas.

We perceive distance primarily through focus -- when we focus on near things, far things blur a little; when we focus on far things, near things blur. Our peripheral vision does not have to be in focus; the spot where we're looking is always in focus.

In a film, however, the focus has to be the same for all viewers, because you can't control where people are going to look. Focus is embedded in the film. So every layer of the 3D film is in focus at the same time, no matter where you happen to look. This is so contradictory to our normal visual experience that 3D movies are more unreal than the pastel colors of filmed musical comedies.

You never for one instant think you're seeing something real. You can't -- it's slapping you in the face all the time that you are not. Whereas the old-fashioned 2D movie is much, much closer the way we see the real world, because the lens focuses the way our eyes do -- when one thing is in focus, farther and nearer things are less in-focus.

In other words, we have a medium -- flat film, even black and white film -- that has always done a superb job of reproducing our visual experience of the world, yet in the name of "greater realism" we replace it with a fundamentally unreal worldview that turns everything artificial.

Hollywood is so excited about 3D that some people want to use it to make every visual-effects-centered film. I think this is a horrible mistake, except with films like Alice where we want to have the sense of being in an unreal dream-state.

Every time someone says, "Hey, Ender's Game needs to be filmed in 3D, so the battleroom sequences really jump out at you" I shudder and do my best to change the subject. Because Ender's Game depends on letting the audience become absorbed in the story and characters, and 3D would be an enemy -- a constant distraction.

Imagine if the Harry Potter films were in 3D "so the quidditch sequences will look good." Aren't the quidditch games among the most boring moments in each movie? Yes, it's exciting for about ten seconds. Then we're ready to get on with the story.

And for those ten seconds -- or thirty, or ninety -- we have to watch the whole rest of the film in a medium so unreal that we will never really forget ourselves and fall into the audience-trance that makes storytelling arts an essential part of human life?

3D makes you watch the film instead of forgetting the film and watching the people.

And that's why it's a deadly mistake. Only in films where the special effects or cool, unnatural designs are the star is 3D an asset. The rest of the time, it's worthless at best, detrimental at worst.

And even when they don't give me a headache, I hate the glasses. When am I ever going to lean back in my chair at home, ready to watch a film on DVD, and be glad to put on a special pair of glasses? I don't think "never" is too strong a word.

- Orson Scott Card, 3/14/2010