Good Books and Bad Books

I am taking a huge risk with this post. First off, I'd much rather make a positive review of something than a negative, which is why I'm going to put in a plug for the Wheel of Time series of books at the end of this post. I typically write negative reviews of things that particularly frustrate me (like the recent streak of disappointing movies), which usually means something was particularly bad (especially if it should have been awesome, like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie, which I don't have to review because of this incredible review), or if it becomes an incredibly popular phenomenon but really isn't that good, like Twilight. I'm posting this today, because the fourth installment of the series, Breaking Dawn, is out today.

Here's why this post means trouble for me: The three people who I know regularly read my blog are all female, and of those three, one is obsessed with Twilight, one is a major fan, and the other probably has never read it. There are at least two others who occasionally view this blog, and they're both female as well, and I have no idea what they think of Twilight. Having said this, I am probably going to go into great detail as to why I don't like Twilight. Please don't take it personally! My intention is not to convince you not to like it, but rather to explain why I don't, so you can explain to me why I should. I don't like things that I don't understand, and I don't understand one bit why this book sold more than ten copies.

For the couple of you who may not know Twilight, it's a romance novel written by an LDS author (so no sex scenes, though apparently there's almost one later in the series) about a shallow girls who falls in love with a vampire who also falls in love with her for no reason.

One more disclaimer: I have a very open mind. I read Twilight hoping very much to like it, but not expecting to. The last time I read something just because it was popular, it became my favorite series: Harry Potter. I've heard people say that Twilight is better than Harry Potter, which was probably the last straw that triggered this post. I fully expected Harry Potter to be some stupid kid's book about a dumb little wizard on a broomstick, but it turned out to be an incredibly well thought out story in an imaginative world with very good and important messages about good and evil that children will absorb without even knowing.

I hoped for the same with Twilight, but instead found it boring and empty, essentially a 500 page short story written at a high-school level. I was prepared to merely not be interested, but I was not prepared for how badly written the book was. There were many errors that should have been caught by the editor (I laughed when I read about dust moats), but that's not what bothered me. The book was very plainly written, which is fine, but then every once in awhile Stephenie would through in a fancy word like "furtively," and it would practically pop off the page for how out of place it was, like she had a list of fancy words that she would check off as she found space for them.

Warning:  Spoilers Ahead!

Character development and plot were bigger problems. Naturally, Edward's character is fully thought out, since basically this book is Stephenie's daydreams of a perfect guy put to paper. Consequentially, she forgot to give her female protagonist, Isabella, any character at all.  Plus, there are only about 250 pages of plot in this 500 page book. Basically, we spend a few chapters hearing how much she hates this rainy little town of Forks, Washington, then she meets Edward, who is mysterious and good-looking, and seems to hate her for no reason until she realizes it's because he's a vampire. She spends a lot of the book fainting around Edward, and most of the dialogue is like this:

Edward: "I'm very dangerous, you shouldn't be with me."

Isabella: "I'm not afraid."

Edward: "You should be."

Isabella faints.

Repeat.

There is nothing at all appealing about Isabella's character. She complains about where she lives, she's clumsy, unathletic, and basically boring. The reason Edward is attracted to her is because she's apparently good-looking, but more importantly she smells tasty. That's all. Otherwise, the whole book concerns Isabella's obsession with Edward, and we're treated at least once per page on average to comments about how "beautiful," "god-like," "statue-like," "perfect," "incredibly good-looking," "ridiculously good-looking" (just kidding), "adonis," "cut from stone," "marble," etc. Edward is. I have honestly never cringed so much while reading a book.

Finally at the end we're introduced to a villain, and have a short, predictable chase. This part I liked, but mostly because it was action-packed in contrast with the rest of the book.

Stephenie Meyer admits that most of the research for this book was done with Google. While Google is one of the best tools ever, it is not enough for researching a book. She never even visited Forks until after the book was published. As far as her vampires, she claims not to have researched vampire mythology before writing Twilight, a very poor decision if you ask me. I'm not convinced, though. Here are the characteristics of Stephenie Meyer's vampires, including how they are "different" from other vampires in literature:

1. They are not harmed by garlic, holy water, crosses or stakes.
   
2. They are not harmed by the sun, instead their skin becomes all sparkly and marbley.
   
3. Their eyes change color depending on what they eat and how hungry they are, becoming a luminous butterscotch color if they drink animal blood.
4. They can enter homes without an invitation, and have reflections in mirrors.
   
5. They can't sleep, and require no rest.
   
6. They have sharp teeth, but not fangs.
   
7. They are venomous, the venom being alluring to humans and capable of turning a human to a vampire if they're not killed first.
   
8. They are extremely pale and have no pulse.
   
9. They are immortal and only require blood to survive.
   
10. They can drink animal blood but prefer human blood.
    
11. They have special talents, such as Edward being able to read everyone's mind (except Isabella's for no reason whatsoever), Jasper's ability to influence people's emotions, Alice's visions of the future (in which, for no reason, she can't see werewolves) and Jane's ability to cause pain telepathically.
    
12. They are super extra strong and extra super fast, with heightened senses.
    

This is pretty well thought out and unique. Wait, let's look at Anne Rice's vampires, which first appeared in the '70s with Interview with the Vampire:

1. They prefer human blood but can live on animal blood.
   
2. They are immortal, their skin becoming statuesque with time, pale and white.
   
3. Their eyes become luminous.
4. They lose all their bodily fluids and are therefore unable to have children.
5. Some can fly, most can read the minds of mortals and lesser vampires.
   
6. They are lightning fast, insanely strong and have very keen senses.
   
7. Older vampires have special gifts like telekinesis or the ability to set things on fire with their minds.
   
8. They are extra artistic and have an understanding of puzzles.
   
9. They are super-extra attractive.
   

In addition, in his past Edward used to prey on human criminals; similarly some of Anne Rice's vampires feed on criminals, refusing to prey on innocent people. Either Stephenie Meyer has read of or knows of Anne Rice's vampires, or she came up with the same by chance. I don't know, but it seems pretty coincidental to me. Both of these are pretty far from the traditional Dracula or Buffy the Vampire Slayer type vampires. After Twilight, though, I kind of want to read Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles out of curiosity. I need a good vampire story now.

There was also a disparity in Twilight having to do with some things being described in intricate detail, like the cars, and other things being unnecessarily vague and generic. For example, we read of Isabella going online and using her favorite search engine to look up vampire legends*. We know Stephenie is a fan of Google, what would have been wrong with Isabella going online and Googling vampire legends? Also, several times Isabella listens to a CD, though it is never said what CD. In the book we find that Edward likes the same nameless group, and they listen to this CD a lot. Stephenie has stated on her website that it was a Linkin Park CD, and that she left it nameless because she didn't know if the CD would still be popular when the book was published. Who cares? If I were to write a book, and make the main character a Björk fan, I would have this character state straight out that he/she liked Björk. Then maybe I'd have another character say how much he hates Björk, and this character would suffer a gruesome death at some point. Why be so cowardly about saying in the book that it's Linkin Park? This is more evidence that there is no substance to this book.

Despite all this, this is an extremely popular book. Maybe I'm wrong about it, but I don't think so. I first heard of this book on FaceBook, where many of my female friends are members of such groups as "After Reading Twilight, Human Boys Just Seem Lacking" and "Because I read Twilight I have unrealisteic expectations in Men." There's even a group that is a petition for Stephenie to write a sex scene between Isabella and Edward! Here were the three status updates on my FaceBook home page at one point yesterday

And later one of the same people changed hers to:
I don't understand the appeal of the Twilight series; all I can assume is that it's a romance novel written by an LDS author with no sex scenes, so that at least explains the LDS audience, and why it's only popular among girls. It can't hold a candle to Harry Potter, though, whatever dozens of popular FaceBook groups say. Guys go for Lord of the Rings type adventure novels because we want to be out doing things, involved in something bigger than ourselves, in control of something. It's part of our core instincts, to be ready to defend our home, expand our territory, be involved in an important cause and participate in exciting action. The movie Fight Club shows an extreme example of what happens when we guys become slaves to a boring job and a life defined by things we have instead of things we do, which is why that movie is so popular among men. Same with James Bond. James Bond may be a very shallow series, but what guy doesn't dream of being a secret agent, with gadgets, a nemesis, a cool car, lots of hot girls and no consequences, and chases with lots of explosions? Girls, on the other hand, instinctively look for stability. I'm no psychologist, but it is well known that male and female brains work very differently, and men and women have different needs and interests. That's why women are more interested in relationship talk than men, and why so many prefer romance novels to action/adventure novels.

This isn't to say guys aren't interested in relationships. There are movies that could be defined as chick flicks, being completely about relationships, that men like. For example, one of my favorite movies is Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, which is entirely about a relationship. Unfortunately for Twilight, I have to care about the characters to care about the relationship; and unlike Joel and Clementine in Eternal Sunshine, I can't care about Isabella and Edward, or Jacob or anybody in that book. It's empty.

I have plenty more to say, but I think that's more than enough on Twilight. There's a music playlist for each book, which I find particularly amusing, and I'll probably make a blog post about it soon, after I listen to all the music. Please tell me what it is you like so much about this book! I don't understand it at all. If your argument is convincing, I'll read the rest of the series; but probably not.

End Spoilers!

Okay, as promised, something positive. And briefer! I am re-reading the Wheel of Time series in anticipation of the twelfth and final book being published at the end of next year. This is a fantasy adventure series that is, at least initially, deliberately reminiscent of The Lord of the Rings. Emond's Field is a comfortable place like the Shire (though populated by men, not midgets), they even export tobacco. The LotR hobbits' traits are split and recombined into the three young protagonists: Rand Al'Thor, Perrin Aybara, and Matrim Cauthon. A traveling entertainer reminds the reader of Gandalf, though the magic is reserved for a female character named Moiraine, who is an Aes Sedai, a wielder of the power that moves the universe. Her companion is a Lan, a Warder who is charged with her safety, and who also happens to be a king of a legendary fallen kingdom, very similar to Aragorn. There are Trollocs, who are similar to orcs, and they're led by Myrddral, who resemble the Black Riders. Robert Jordan, who wrote the series, intended these elements to put his readers at ease in a familiar world similar to his own favorite fantasy books by Tolkien; then he takes it in an entirely different direction.

The idea is that time is like a wheel, infinite with no endings or beginnings. In every age, a man is born to combat The Dark One, and he is known as the Dragon. At the end of the age previous to the series, The Dark One and his 13 companions, exceptionally powerful wielders of the One Power, were imprisoned in a mountain. The time is coming when they will escape and must be defeated again by the Dragon Reborn. The problem is that the One Power has two halves, one that can be wielded only be a woman, half that can be wielded only by a man, and the backlash of imprisoning the Dark One has tainted the male half, such that anyone who touches it becomes insane, eventually killing anyone near him before rotting or burning himself up. After imprisoning the Dark One, all male Aes Sedai went insane and broke the world, and now any male who touches the One Power has the ability taken from him.

One of the three protagonists is the Dragon Reborn, and the series follows the stories of all three of them as they come to grips with either being the Dragon or being instrumental in the last battle in some way. Jordan has made a huge, detailed and varied world, with dozens of different nations with unique cultures. A lot of the military detail came from Jordan's experience in the Vietnam War, just as Tolkien's came from World War I. Every character is given incredible depth and realism, and faces difficult moral situations at every turn. His concept of the One Power is very interesting and unique.

Oh, and guess what? One of the persistent themes of the series is relationships between men and women, from a personal level to the vast concept of women holding a monopoly on the One Power due to the taint on the male half, and the terror at the concept of a man channeling the power, even with the knowledge that the last battle must be fought by a man wielding that power. It works because it is easy to care about the characters, and because the relationships are handled realistically and honestly, and are more than just a girl daydreaming about a perfect guy and constantly fainting. I'd even say that what you can learn about men and women from this series is as good as from any relationship book in the self-help section of Barnes & Noble, and more entertaining as well.

The one weakness of the series is that Jordan is not good at reminding readers of what happened in previous books. When he puts in information in the initial chapters that you need to know from a previous book, it is awkward and distracting. It's hard to do, but I would prefer that he just went on, trusting his readers to remember the important bits. There are so many, though, this last book will have to wrap up hundreds of major loose ends. This brings us to another problem: before finishing this last book Robert Jordan died of cancer. Fortunately he has volumes of notes, and his wife has edited each book so far. She has chosen Brandon Sanderson, a BYU graduate from Provo, to finish the series. He talks about the experience as it goes in his blog. I eventually intend to read some of his other books, and I am hopeful that the twelfth book will fit seamlessly with the other eleven. They are long books, too, it's a major undertaking but well worth it. I highly recommend it.

Okay was that positive enough? I hope it was. Sorry for the extremely long-winded post! I hope you read it, and didn't take my anti-Twilightness personally!

*I think this is a mirror of Stephenie Meyer doing the same before writing the book, and only later claiming not to have researched vampire mythology. I can't find the interview where she said so.